chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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