Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm determined to sit on that face.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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