got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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