I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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