i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
