Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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