Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
