If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
