Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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