Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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