Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
