Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want nice things and good sex
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
