you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
