there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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