Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
