You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
