do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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