i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
