Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
