so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
