These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize