I faked an abortion last night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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