im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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