RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
