Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
