Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Holy shit dude........stairs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
