Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
