dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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