I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
