She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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