Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
