I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize