I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
