Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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