why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
