Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
