She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
