We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
