would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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