I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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