i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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