Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
