did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
