I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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