her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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