season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
