and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Boobs are out for the taking
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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