i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
