Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I deserve this hangover.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
