Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
