God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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