i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you made out with another girl for some wings
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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