So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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