Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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