Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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