I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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