Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
