I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
