How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
