I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
