My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
