You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
