absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
