Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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