I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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