her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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