but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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