if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
