Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
