I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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