aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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