around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
