plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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