You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
