weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
