So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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