spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
