he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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