I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
