I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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