have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
