Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have fence marks all over my body
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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