Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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