sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
