I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
