I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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