My cat gives me a boner
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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